You’re a heifer…but a hot one

What Katie Price thinks about anything doesn’t really keep me awake at night. She may very well be a fascinating thinker (shame on me for judging) however her ponderings are usually pretty inconsequential to me.

This week in her Sun newspaper column (don’t ask me how I saw it) Katie Price wrote about recent bikini photographs of Kelly Brook and reached the incredible conclusion,

“You’re a heifer…but a hot one”

Kelly Brook is size eight.

Yeah she’s got boobs (don’t we know it) and hips and bits that go in and out.

NEWSFLASH – SHE IS A WOMAN. THAT IS CALLED BODYSHAPE.

But a “heifer”?

Three things….

1. The fact that a size 8 woman could ever be considered a “heifer” both sickens and saddens me. Utterly ridiculous! I’m especially concerned that Katie Price is a mum to a little girl (who probably doesn’t read The Sun…yet. But also who probably doesn’t have great body positivity messages at home.) Worrying.

2. Sisterly solidarity. Sometimes other women can be our biggest ‘enemy’. Jealousy, insecurity, ignorance, good old-fashioned bitchiness…whatever factors are at play – women can be horrible to other women when really they could be our strongest allies. We’re in this together!

I don’t know Katie Price personally but I’m going to take a wild guess that she has issues with her own body acceptance. Ladies and Gentlemen I present a catalogue of surgical intervention as Exhibit A.

I’m sure she’s had her fair share of nastiness directed at her and I’m also sure, despite a tough exterior, that it hurt.

Why on earth then would you inflict that hurt upon someone else? (The use of ‘FLAB-bergasted’ is just plain nasty)

3. The BUT…..”….but a hot one” Does that make it ok? Does the ‘but’ make it acceptable?

I’ve had plenty of ‘buts’ in my time (behave)

Those ‘but’ moments can be said or unsaid – either way they hurt just as much. Sometimes they can arrive disguised as a compliment (“You have such a pretty face…..what a shame” – assistant in a clothes shop) or as well-intentioned advice (“The thing is Kate, you’ve got to have something wrong with you. If you were thin as well….you’d just be TOO perfect” – a male ‘friend’ offering dating wisdom)

I could go on with real-life examples – they are all stored on my mental hard-drive – but I’m sure I’d bore you. And I’m sure you wouldn’t believe that people could possibly say such things. You’d be surprised.

Bottom line is (I’m obsessed with butts…) my body, your body, Kelly Brook’s body, ANYONE’s body is not up for comment. With or without a ‘but’ to soften the blow.

Are you ready for this jelly?

Five days ago I began my 100 days of dancing every morning when I wake up.

This is my painless and most importantly FUN commitment to my body in an attempt to make friends with it again.

Early indications show that this is the best thing in the entire world.

(Do let me know if you try this too…I’d love to know if you’re dancing with me)

My favourite day so far has got to be my Bootilicious morning (Monday) in homage to the Superbowl. There’s nothing quite like a bit of booty-shaking to get your day off to the best possible start.

If you disagree then quite frankly I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

I will be counting down (or up?) to Day 100 but at this stage I’m pretty sure that my morning jiggle will eventually become permanently embedded into my routine. As regular as brushing my teeth and enjoying my jumbo coffee.

I am loving choosing my theme song for the day but I’m also aware that there may come a day where (to quote the Scissor Sisters) I don’t feel like dancing. We’ll cross that bridge if and when the unthinkable happens.

There may be trouble ahead….but while there’s Beyonce and jelly and love and romance….

Let’s face the music and DANCE.

100 days

Hanne Blank is an amazing woman.

We’ve never met but she feels a tiny bit like a best friend.

Hanne’s book “Big Big Love” which looks at fat sex and relationships, had such a massive impact on me, so much so that I feel reading it should be compulsory. (It is on the Essential Reading List for my boyfriends anyway…”Come back when you’ve read this, you’ll understand me better”)

Her latest book “The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise and other Incendiary Acts” is now on my wish-list prior to its release on Monday and I just know it will speak to me in the same way that BBL did. (Am I sounding like a complete fan-girl? Sorry)

Anyway, gushing aside…a few days ago I read about her 100 day challenge

In a nutshell, you decide on one or more new actions you will commit to doing with your body for 100 days.

I like challenges! I also like that Hanne herself has chosen belly dancing and singing (See? I told you we could be BFFs)

100 days is a fairly long time and I wanted to choose something both achievable and FUN (I know if I choose sit-ups I will be miserable) so after careful consideration I made my decision.

Starting TODAY for the next 100 days……when I get up in the morning, I will pick one song and DANCE.

I might be pogo-ing to a punk number or doing the Okey-Cokey, it doesn’t matter! What matters is that I am making an easy, fun and enjoyable commitment to my body that isn’t painful, punishing or problematical. And that’s what it’s all about! (*clap clap clap*)

I am a busy working Mum. Time is precious. But dancing to ONE song everyday…who can’t fit that in?

Music plays a massive part in my little family. It fills our home with joy and our ‘kitchen discos’ are LEGENDARY (there are just two of us…sometimes we pretend we’re in a nightclub…) Those of you following me will know that I have previously shared my love of dancing in Basketballs. What a great way to make friends with my body again!

I really like the idea of setting an energetic, positive tone for my day and because I also really like lists, I’m going to publish my music selections (in case you want to dance along with me – My Spotify ‘dance’ playlist will be coming soon)

Combining things which make me happy, being kind to my body, reaching a 100 day goal……it all seems pretty brilliant from where I’m dancing.